prayer request
my daddy's very sick
i would greatly appreciate if all of you could help me pray for him.
please

its frightening to see someone you love just wither away before your eyes
the most cruel part is that you were simply too caught up in your own little world
mesmerized by the spectrum of colours on the outside of your protective bubble
that you were just blind to it all..
until its too late
until you are faced with the treat of losing it all.

i'm so afarid

i'm so proud of her
the way she manages to pull herself together to be there for each and every single one of us
i see the steel the strength and the determination in her eyes
and i marvel at wher all that is stored in that little petite frame of hers
and suddenly i realise that she isnt that small at all.
and despite not being able to lift a heavy load
she is really much stronger than us all.

when the tears come streaming down your face
and you lose something you can't replace
when you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse...

we try to hide it all beneath the laughter
mask it with idle chatter and silly remarks
and perhaps then all the unhappiness will dissolve into nothingness
but does it really simply disappear?
or do they crytalize into tear drops that hang suspended in the void between us
threatening to cascade down when you least expect it
piercing straight through my already wounded and bruised soul

you claim that you know when i cry
then why make me?
do you even know me at all?

http://kevan.org/johari?name=seraphina-
just thought it would be nice to know..

"and i find it hard to tell you
i find it kind of sad
the dreams in which i'm dying
are the best i've ever had.."

i stand atop the high tower and look towards the horizon
the clouds - white swirls in the azure blue sky and for a moment it seems as though i could reach out and brush the bales of cotten
feel the softness against my fingertips
but as always it is only just an illusion.

feels that as we grow older. we just learn to suppress our emotions so much
to hide behind the security of a mask and a facade
to keep everything inside a chest chained and bolted
to push back into the darkness each surge of feeling that after awhile
you just forget what it is like to truely experience an emotion.
what its like to throw yourself into the moment
and you become simply like an audience
a disjointed part of the picture simply just watching everything pass you by
you try to feel
but the emptiness and void is simply just too great
and you stare blankly
numb.
unthinking
feeling everything but yet nothing

learn to find joy in the simple things in life
appreciate every moment that you are given
be thankful for the gifts
drink in the laughter
and carve each memory in your heart.
because you never know when all of it would just disappear.

once again, i didnt go to church
i feel guilty and terrible
spent the day in absolute decadacne.

father i have sinned
help me find my way
remember not my sins
but let me hear you say...

dont wanna wake up alone anymore

sera is a cleaning lady.

it felt good to be among those familiar faces
hearing their voices and silly chatter
joining in the laughter all over again.
could just see the image of our youngerselves looking right in our faces
and laughing with ourselves.
despite being wrecked to the bones with weariness
and suffering from a severe lack of sleep
i had fun.
but as always, i've realised that i desperately need cash to go shopping.
there are like quite a number of things i wanna get.
unfortunately, my dear friends claim that my taste is becoming wierd
i think so too
actually
i think i am just getting fat.

happy valentines day my dears

viv.wei.prisc.wen: thank you for being my friends. miss those crazy v days we had in SN when we go running around and like giving pressies to everyone and basically just hanging out and having a blast of a time. i know we dont see each other that often anymore nor are we on such and intimate level but hey..you guys are still in my mind and in my prays. looking forward to the next time we meet up again. to fun joy laughter and blue pinafores. (:

lijie: i hate our complementary timetables. RAHH. we desperately need to find time to go out more. i miss mugging with you and all the aimless things that we do wandering around town and impulsive shopping sprees. i think we are becoming super tai tai and super spoilt. laughs...we must find jobs so that we can support an expensive spoilt lifestyle okay?? haha..i really really love you alot. despite being far apart..we shall suffer in uni together (: thank you for always being there for me

abby: hello dear. glad that you are happy and that things seem to be going well for you. unfortunately, i know we havent exactly been seeing each other that much as well...blehh...sometimes i wish life wouldnt take us so far apart. i pray and look forward to you coming to join me in school. its awfully lonely here. take care my sweetest.

edith: woman. i lost count of how many years. we might be in the same corner of the island but that doesnt mean i see you any more. though i have to thank you for the liberal use of your room on many accounts. and in many ways, its just nice knowing that theres someone around. thank you for having put up with me for the countless donkey years...i know you most poor thing. haha...dont turn into too much of an aunty okay! *hugs* love you

tracy: I MISS YOU. god we have to get down to meeting sometime okay? but well i am glad that our friendship has survived the long test of time and like the silences inbetween. cos i know that your friendship is something that i can always hold on to and is always there. thanks for everything and all the time. stay happy. love.

and to everyone else in my life... thank you for you friendship. wishing you happiness and love.

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special

it feels amost like coming home
in fact, i am starting to think that it is much better than home
let me live like this for as long as i possibly can

i have just decided that my first car will be a BMW
i see a long hard road ahead.
let my dream come true.

spent 3 hours trying to summarize a 20 page report
i might just never want to blog again
let this just be over and done with.

"sorry to bay that i am no longer your father"
yes it was spelt that way

how fucking typical it is for you to come up with a reaction like this
to have to say something that hurtful, cutting and harsh

you know whats the difference between us?
i never intenionally mean to hurt you
but each time you do.
you do it with the intention of causing pain.
you want to hurt me.

and for fucks sakes
just because something is diffent from what you are used to doesnt even come remotely close to making it bad.
just because i dont conform doesnt make me a delinquent.
you always only see the flaws.
what about each and every single other time?
its always never good enough for you.

"well done"
maybe for once you all could say that to me.

its all i have left.
if you love me as much as you claim you do,
then dont take it away from me.

because of you
My heart cant possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with

i am decidedly annoyed and disastisfied at various people and things around me now
and i am glad that tomorrow is my day off from school.
looking forward to my swim and lazy day at home.
praying that the weather wil be nice and sunny
i need exercise, i need a tan.

and i currently also think that the teffal redspot pan is the most useful thing in the house.
was having a terrible pancake craving
so raided the fidge to find sausages, bacon, chilli tuna thus
the sister ad i decided to have breakfast for lunch.
i made pancakes that turned out simply lovely.

yes sera can cook.

finally got down to watching crash last night
which i have to admit is definitely worth sacrificing my sleep for.
if you havent already watched it.
you absolutely have to.

i'm sorry but my brain has been suffering from the lack of better things to say.
not to mention a serious lack of oxygen as i have strangely been having a lot of difficulty breathing
thus i have been sleepy, lethargic and well incapable of clear coherent thought.
it really doesnt help much that i am already absent minded by nature and that i have three project reports due.
i have struggling to find the right words to say and to phrase my arguement succiently and clearly.
i think i am generally just rambling incoherently on that even i can barely understand what i am trying to say.

i desperately need to swim
i look up at the sky and see the sun smiling down on me
and i just cant help but have the need to have the cool chlorine of the pool washing over me as i plough my way through the water
and later, lie like a lizard on the deck chair and savour the silence of the moment and the warm touch of the sun.
and of cos, the ulterior motive:
sera has sinfully been indulging in pineapple tarts, bak gua and ben and jerry's and thus it is time that she moved her lazy ass and took her fats to task.

and i still hold your hand in mine...when i'm asleep..

you say that you can hear me cry
why then do you still have to bring tears to my eyes

i really wanted to believe
and i almost did
i thought that if i close my eyes and pretended not to see
it would really all go away
i thought that i had enough love for us both
but i guess i was wrong
i can neither compromise or change me
i cant walk around blind indefinitely

work and school is calling
deadlines are flashing screaming redlights
my cumulating stack or readings are impatiently waiting for my attention
there are other things i need to attend to
more urgent
pressing
and important
i am not willing to throw my life away this time.